You make me smile, please stay for a while...

I used to be best friends with public transportation. No longer! My bus home friday night left 45 minutes late. The train I took back here arrived in Syracuse 70 minutes late. :(

I did have a great weekend home! I got to hang out with a bunch of my family and friends; we had much fun. Highlights of the weekend:

1. Mr. C speaking at graduation. I love him. (For those who don't know who Mr. C is, he was my gym teacher in elementary school. A big proponent of the Green Meadow motto: "It's all in the attitude.") Now retired, and soon to be remarried, he is still doing very well, and he gave the best speech the whole day. Hands down.

2. Whiffle ball at David Dickie's graduation party. The fun was compounded exponentially by the fact that his backyard was really wet and pretty muddy, which made sliding easy and stopping difficult. I was the first to fall, and it just got muddier from there, for everyone.

3. Seeing my second cousin, the littlest Allen Eugene Sicley IV. Now three, he has abandoned the headbutting he was known for at my graduation party and we had a grand old time on the playground at the park. He's adorable.

4. When I arrived back at SU, at about 11 pm, I found my towel on my bed. Tired and distressed from the fact that my stupid train was 70 minutes late, I inquired with Valerie what was going on. She informed me that she had decided to do laundry and needed some more things, so she washed my towel for me. I had meant to do laundry before I left, and I hadn't gotten around to it. I was so thrilled by this little act of kindness.

Everything in the lab is going quite well; I have been making the target compounds successfully, minus the IUdR chlorination (which we hadn't tried before anyway). Not much to note; all I did today was run the chlorinated AZT through the HPLC to purify it. That took most of the day, and then there was group meeting, where Tony gave a literature review.

Currently reading: Agnes Grey, still, but also started Handle with Care by Jodi Picoult (which is why AG is not finished). I know Picoult's books are almost a formula, but I have read them all, and they get me every time. Read one!

Listening to: "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2. Great song. The end.

- Rachel

Who Says You Can't Go Home?

Hello Everyone!

Almost three weeks in already! Time sure flies when you're having fun. :)

I'm packing tonight, and tomorrow I will be boarding the bus to return home for the weekend. My brother is graduating from high school on Saturday; it makes me feel old. He will join me at Le Moyne in the fall in the 3-3 Physical Therapy program at SUNY Upstate Medical. Yup. It will be interesting...

We were able to successfully chlorinate AZT, but with IUdR (another nucleoside analog) I believe we were not so lucky. The Mass Spec returned some interesting data that I have yet to entirely decipher. At least the AZT worked; that's all we really need.

I mentioned to two of the grad students in my lab today, for the second time, that I think I want to go into Physical Chemistry. Which has absolutely nothing to do with my current research, and at that point, they asked me to leave. Not seriously, of course. Don't get me wrong, I like my current research; I'm learning a lot and I am having a great time. I just think that, down the road, I see myself in P Chem. In my retreat journal, I wrote (perhaps quoting someone, I honestly don't know and apologize for not having a source if I should), "If you end up taking the wrong path, you're more likely to end up on the right one." If you take enough wrong paths, in theory, you should end up on the right one eventually. Even if merely by process of elimination. (Here I'd make an Organic Chemistry joke about E1 or E2, but I doubt anyone would find it all that amusing. Especially if you don't know anything about Organic Chemistry.)

As I am going home for the weekend, I will be on a brief hiatus from posting, but fear not! I will be back Monday (or Sunday night if I have some extra energy). It will give my self-titled "# 1 fan" a little less to have to catch up on with her commenting, as she has been away this week. :P

Currently reading: Agnes Grey by Anne Bronte. The least known of the sisters. Good book, too!

Listening to: "Top of the World" by the Dixie Chicks. :) Sad, but great, song.

- Rachel

A Real Fine Place To Start!

We used the HPLC to purify the product from the AZT chlorination, and, our preliminary results look good! NMR and Mass Spectrometry will tell us for certain in a day or two, when we get to them. We also used the LPLC (low pressure liquid chromatograph) to resolve our attempts at conjugating folic acid to polyethylene gycol (PEG). The product was indeed there, but I haven't looked closely at the results yet. All I know is that, because the PEG has an amine on each end that can react with the activated folic acid, I was supposed to add the folic acid to the PEG to prevent PEG from reacting both of the amines with folic acid. According to Tony, though, we still got our product, so all is well. And, since I am a pro at running that reaction (this was time three), I could always make more. No screw ups this time, I hope. I make no promises.

The suite that I live in will finally be getting its other two residents; Julia and Lisa arrive from Austria sometime tonight. I am excited to meet them and the other Austrian students, nine in total. One of them will be in the lab with me upstairs; it should be interesting.

Currently reading: Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynne Truss. Hilarious, perfect for those who mourn what grammar and punctuation have become in this day and age.

Listening to: The Middle by Jimmy Eat World. Love it!

Catch you later!

- Rachel

I have confidence in me!

Sometime around the end of this past semester, Dr. Craig, my physics advisor, and I were talking about scientific maturity - a sort of being comfortable with what you are doing in lab. I felt as though, by the end of the year, I had a certain level of "know how" in Organic Lab that prevented me from some of the worrying I used to do. For example, a little extra solvent wasn't a big deal. Lab started making a bit more inherent sense. I don't really know when it happened, or when I noticed it, but it's great when it finally happens. It gave me a new measure of confidence. Not a lot, but more than I had, which is always a good start.

And then I came here. All of that confidence went out the window. I was certain I would fumble and, not exactly fail, but, perhaps not do as well as I could or should. After all, I break things. I spill things. And I'm afraid to fail, because that's not what I usually do. I don't let failure become an option. But here, it has to be.

I've broken something. I've spilled something. I've failed (that was today, when I added the reagents the wrong way). Failure is okay. My partner in crime and birthday buddy Thomas Edison knew that better than anyone. It's okay to fail, as long as it does not stop you from continued attempts at success.

And, as Greg informed me on the retreat in April, "you will break more beakers." All too true. It's a good thing glass is recyclable. :)

- Rachel

I've worried about life, if it's arriving right on time...

As per the advice of a one "Andrew," I have decided to make every attempt to not worry about my future. I make no promises. But I will try.

In that spirit, I went on a photo adventure with Valerie (my roommate) around the SU campus. Some of the most beautiful buildings ever! BUT, that was not the most important part.

I was standing on the hill next to a gorgeous building, one Valerie has nicknamed "Girlfriend" because it was the Women's College, or part of it, I think. Anyway, the sun was shining into my face, and I decided to see how it looked on camera. And it looked like a cross.

This morning at mass, Father Jeffrey said that the greatest act of faith is that "God knows what he is doing with my life." God knows. He sent me that cross because he wanted to make sure I heard. And I did. :)

I have no idea where I'm going, but God brought me here, because HE DOES. One day, I will know why. For now, I just have to be okay with waiting. And doing the best that I can with what I have.

All of this reminded me of two things: first, a Thomas Merton Poem/Prayer -http://koti.mbnet.fi/amoira/merton1.htm

and second, a card that I got, one of the ones with the quotes on it, from Rilke.

"I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer..."

I need to get this framed or something. I just have to deal with the questions and live my way into their answers. STOP WORRYING RACHEL! I'VE GOT THIS!!! I think that was God's overwhelming message to me today.

Okay, God. I will try.

- Rachel

There's not a man today who could take me away from my God!

If you're wondering, yes, I just watched Sister Act. Both of them. Yesterday. But that is hardly the topic of my post. Even if they were hilarious.

This morning, I ventured out to mass at the Alibrandi Center, since I have no practical way of getting to the Chapel at Le Moyne. It's about an 8 minute walk from my building, the Center, so it's quite convenient. I left around 1o so as to give myself plenty of time in case I couldn't find it (but I had no trouble at all!). I was the first one there, minus the two music guys (there was music!!). Ellie, the sacristan, was looking for a lector, and I volunteered. That always seems to be how these things go...

All in all, it was a good service; I won't mind going these next few weeks. I miss Le Moyne mass, though (the during the semester kind, with all of the singers and musicians).

Weekends here aren't terribly eventful, what with so few people being here. As such, I have spent even more time thinking about my future. And the GRE. Because applying to grad school is like applying to college all over again. :( Hopefully I will find stuff to do so I stop thinking about it, as it just makes me more stressed every time.

Catch you later!

- Rachel

Sometimes you win, sometimes you're losing...

On Tuesday, I attempted the first step of a reaction (activation of folic acid) and it did not work. Today, I repeated the process, and it worked! The small success was accompanied by small failure - I spilled the reaction as I attempted the next step. I am told that I only spilled about a dollar's worth of reagent, if that, and I should consider myself lucky. After all, I hadn't added in the expensive stuff yet. :P

The third dissertation in three weeks from our group was heard today, and now there are three new PhDs! :D Congrats Nerissa, Tayo and Amanda!

Not much else of note - I learned to count cells today, a tedious, but necessary, task.

Stay tuned for more science!

- Rachel

Every word is nonsense, but I understand it all...

Today I spent some quality time reading up on how to chlorinate nucleoside analogs. Fun, I know. at least 50% of the text were the IUPAC names of various compounds and they meant nothing to me. They were too intense for me to say, "oh, I could draw that." Because that would have been a lie.

I also found out that thionyl chloride, the chlorinating agent we used in our reaction, was the chemical name of the compund SOCl2. True story. I obviously missed that when I learned organic this year.

I got to play with glass today - I made three colored pendants! One of them is even heart shaped! I am extremely grateful to be in this program; it has afforded me so many great opportunities. :)

- Rachel

And just like that - the chemicals react!

I wrote my first post-organic chemistry lecture mechanism today. I was slightly amused by the usefulness of the Mullins lines - "you add the nucleophile to the carbon of the carbonyl because it's polar, planar and prone to attack." I was able to take that, plus some other conceptual stuff and make a mechanism of the reaction. Who knew organic chemistry would come in handy? :P

Whatever it might seem like as you read my posts, I actually have quite a bit of free time, and have once again begun attempts at teaching myself the guitar. Today was practice day two. I just want the callouses back so that it will be able to extend my practice time, or at least make it hurt less. I am working on some basic stuff right now; suffice it to say that I am much better at Chemistry than the guitar. But maybe someday...

Off to bed soon - I sleep more here, which is good, because I need it. Perhaps I can continue this in the throes of the upcoming fall semester...let's hope so!

- Rachel

A Place In This World

Hello Everyone!

If you haven't noticed, I am trying to make my titles song lyrics or song titles. I will keep this going as long as I can, so stay tuned!

It's now week two, and I am starting to settle into this new world. I won't say I'm comfortable, but I am not uncomfortable, and that's "a real fine place to start."

At this point, I am making compounds and analyzing them, a lot of repetition as far as using machines. I am a self proclaimed expert at the intricacies of the Schlenk Line and the Rotary Evaporator (RotoVap), and I have been able to use some other cool instruments as well. The repetition has been helpful as far as finding my feet goes.

I'm bound and determined to become the best scientist possible, because ultimately, that is my place in this world. Whether it be to discover something, or teach someone who will discover something, I am meant to use my science to help the world. However that happens. I realized that when I was on my service trip in Philly. And I wasn't even doing science there. So if I seem even more crazy than before, more bent on science than I ever seemed to be, just know that I proceed with purpose. Originally, I just wanted to learn because it was fun and I wanted to teach. I enjoyed helping people understand things for the sake of understanding. Now, I know that I need to learn and to teach. If I don't make some profound discovery, I still can help someone toward that path. I aim to learn and teach for the sake of the greater good. But I still maintain that science is fun.

I apologize for my ramble. I hope it makes sense. It did in my head at least...

- Rachel

Walking on Broken Glass

As you may have guessed by the title, I broke a piece of glassware today. A 15 mL round bottom flask. I was trying to clean it, and I was nearly finished when I dropped it in the sink. Today was day three in the lab; I'm surprised I lasted this long without breaking anything.

Yesterday, I ran a couple of reactions, and today we began the analysis of the product. I used the High Pressure Liquid Chromatograph (HPLC) to separate the purified reaction mixture into three fractions for each reaction. They are drying on the vacuum of the schlenk line overnight, and we will take the NMR of the unknowns. At this point it is safe to say that we got what we wanted, which is a good start. But we've got a long way to go.

Tomorrow, one of the group members is defending her thesis, so I get to see my first doctoral defense. A preview of coming attractions, I suppose.

The strawberry festival is also tomorrow, so I hope I get to go out there for a bit and enjoy some shortcake!

Right Now I'm Going To Work!

Hey Hey Hey!

So today was my first day on the job. I got to meet with Dr. Doyle, the "leader of the pack" you could say, and then my grad student, Tony. He explained some of my project to me, and I got to read some related articles. Later, we dried some of the product Tony had made, and I even got to pour the liquid nitrogen!

A bunch of the REUs are going to play kickball in a bit; we are all getting along really well. I count that as one of my many blessings from this summer.

Catch you later!

- Rachel

The Easy Day...

Hey everyone!

I'm finally moved in at SU - got here yesterday. We had a welcome picnic for all us REUs at Dr. Sponsler's house, and then it was back here for more unpacking. I'm mostly done, but it was a long day - still have to organize my desk...

My internet was a bit dysfunctional for a while, thus the delay in my posting, but all is well after an extended visit to IT.

Today, we got the Chemical Hygiene info and the Waste Management info. During lunch I got to meet Dr. Doyle, my "boss" you could say. I will be working with one of his grad students. My first real 9 to 5 job - what a way to make a living! (I'm sorry if you didn't get that, and perhaps even sorrier if you did :P)

Everyone seems really nice, and I am excited to get going on my project. More soon!

- Rachel